Losing a child is a pain that defies words, and as a working mom, that grief doesn’t get a break. I know this all too well—my son passed away in 2015 at just 7 years old, and a month later, I had to return to work. As a single mother with no help at the time, the responsibility was overwhelming. The layers of grief and chronic stress weighed me down in ways I couldn’t have imagined.
But I want to share this: even in the deepest sorrow, we can find ways to cope, heal, and slowly move forward. Now, I’m in a healthy and supportive relationship, and although the pain of losing my son will always be with me, I’ve learned that there are small steps we can take to manage chronic stress—even when it feels impossible.
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Coping with Chronic Stress While Grieving
Grief is a complex and individual journey, and when compounded with work and other responsibilities, the stress can feel endless. It’s crucial to find ways to address and, where possible, alleviate that stress. Here are some strategies that have helped me and may help you too:
1. Give Yourself Grace
First and foremost, remember that there is no right way to grieve. It’s okay to not have everything figured out and to take things day by day. Give yourself permission to feel all the emotions without the added pressure of trying to "move on" too quickly.
2. Prioritize Self-Care (Even in Small Doses)
Taking care of yourself while grieving is essential but challenging. Even small acts of self-care—like getting a massage, taking a walk, or finding 10 minutes of quiet time—can make a difference. These moments allow you to breathe, reconnect with yourself, and ease some of the stress in your body and mind.
3. Create a Support System
It took time, but I am now in a loving, supportive relationship that helps me feel less alone in my journey. Surround yourself with people who lift you up—whether it's a partner, family, or close friends. It’s also okay to seek professional support, like therapy, where you can work through the emotional layers of grief.
4. Connect with Your Child’s Memory
Grief doesn’t have to mean forgetting. Creating rituals or ways to honor your child can help keep their memory alive in meaningful ways. It could be as simple as lighting a candle, keeping a journal, or visiting places that were special to them. Connecting to those memories can provide comfort amidst the grief.
Reducing Stress (Even When It Feels Impossible)
Chronic stress is more than just feeling overwhelmed—it takes a toll on both your physical and mental health. For grieving working moms, finding ways to reduce stress can feel like an uphill battle, but it is possible. While eliminating it entirely might seem like a long shot, here are a few ways to ease it:
1. Mind-Body Practices
Massages, cupping therapy, or acupuncture can help release physical tension built up from stress and grief. As a massage therapist, I’ve seen firsthand how these techniques can promote relaxation and provide much-needed relief to both the body and mind.
2. Set Boundaries at Work
If possible, communicate your needs at work. Whether it's requesting flexibility with hours or managing workload expectations, setting boundaries can reduce unnecessary pressure. Allowing yourself space to grieve, even at work, is key to managing chronic stress.
3. Focus on What You Can Control
Grief can make life feel chaotic and unpredictable. Focusing on the things you can control—whether it’s your schedule, environment, or self-care routines—can bring a sense of stability amidst the unpredictability of loss.
4. Leaning on Your Family
If you're in a supportive relationship or have loved ones nearby, let them in. Let them help you with daily responsibilities. It can be hard to ask for help, especially as a mom, but sharing the load with family members can ease the constant juggling act of work, grief, and home life.
Eliminating Stress—Not Just Managing It
While managing stress is important, finding ways to eliminate some stressors is vital, too. Chronic stress can cause elevated levels of cortisol and adrenaline, leading to burnout and long-term health issues. To actively reduce these harmful stress hormones:
- Practice Meditation or Deep Breathing: This can lower cortisol and help you find moments of peace during the day.
- Get Moving: Physical activity, even light movement, reduces stress hormones and increases endorphins. Walking, yoga, or gentle stretching can release built-up tension.
- Unplug and Rest: Downtime is critical, so take breaks to unplug from work and other obligations. Give your mind and body a chance to recover from daily stressors.
Involving the Family in Your Healing Journey
Grief and stress affect the entire family. If you’re a working mom balancing everything, don’t hesitate to ask for help. Let your partner, children, or close family members share in responsibilities to ease some of your daily tasks. They can assist with household chores, take on errands, or simply offer emotional support when you need it most.
When everyone pitches in, you’ll find more time to focus on your emotional and physical well-being.
Grieving as a working mom is a heavy, exhausting path, but you don’t have to walk it alone. By building a support system, prioritizing your health, and making space for self-care, you can find ways to manage and even reduce chronic stress. Healing is a long road, but with small, consistent steps, it is possible to carry both the love for your lost child and the strength to continue moving forward. Let’s take this journey together.
